So for a while now, (a year) I have been overly emotional, tired, unmotivated, yeah you have heard this song and dance before....
So about 2 weeks ago, after much poking from friends, I drag my not so happy ass into the Dr's office. I describe my current state (with tears in my eyes) and pray she doesn't think it's cus I'm a bad mom who's fat and lazy. Dr. says she really really thinks it's my thyroid and orders blood work. I get the test done and she gets the results. Not my thyroid. So at this point after feeling like a total failure (can't even pass the blood test) the Dr. says depression and/or anxiety. BUT I am still nursing and although there has to be medication that you can take I am worried. I could "what if" myself to death. So the Dr wants me to make another appointment to dicuss my options. I know my options and I think I opt to take a pill. Yes I need to eat better, yes I need to exercise, yes I need a routine, and yes I need more help from my children and husband. BUT since most of those things aren't going to happen. I need something else. Never mind the fact that I had been on ortho novum 777 from the age of 17, pregnant 4 times, and on the pill inbetween all the babies. My hormones probably aren't used to doing it on their own now that DJ had a vasectomy and I don't need to take the pill. Whatever, lets fix this already!
I want to enjoy the kids more, I want to have the motivation, I want to be better than I am now, be the wife, mom, Brandi that I once was and know I can be again.
Woe is me, yes I know cry me a river, poor poor Brandi can't manage what she once prayed for. Damn straight, so give me a happy pill to help me get back on track! I am ready to blog happy, fun, exciting things instead of this crap!
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2 comments:
Oh sweetie. I went on Zoloft when MG was 9 months old, took it throughout my pregnancy with Claire until my 3rd trimester, when I went off of it so she wouldn't be born addicted, then went back on it immediately after she was born.
She's been nursing the entire time. She's pretty mellow, too.
You are not fat and lazy. You have a lot on your plate. Like all of us moms, you take care of yourself last.
You do what you gotta do, and know that a bunch of us - more than you think - are right there with you.
thanks Amy, I needed that! I have my appointment on Friday to set something up. I just hope that my Dr. isn't stingy. She is really conservative when it comes to meds and nursing! So we'll see!
Thanks again! BTW we still need to get together.
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